April 30, 2007 at 4:18 pm 20 comments

This country is too small. I know I’ve said that before, but there is another example of it today. In today’s observer, there is an article on 8 high-acheiving men under 40. You know, the kind of man that really us girls should be going after.

It seems that several of my friends have recognised their potential in advance of the article as the majority of them are ex’s of one of my friends or another.

Which brings me to an important question. I’ve always said that my friends’ ex’s are off limits to me. But in a country where the pool of eligble men seems so small, is it really right to place them off limit if by doing so you leave yourself with no options at all?! Do we really want to prevent one of our group from getting a ‘highly eligible man’?

Fortunately this is a hypothetical question for me as I’m not looking. But for my friends who are, what are they supposed to do? I think we need to introduce a grading system… they get marks depending on how close the friend is to you and how close she was to him.

For example, the first man my good good friend loved – definitely off limits. But someone another less close friend had a short fling with is ready to be recycled.

What do you think?!

On a completely different note, does anyone know what words trigger spam comments? Some posts get no spam at all and others get hundreds. And when I get hundreds, I can’t be bothered to check through them so they are all deleted. So sorry if yours is in there, but really, I’m not going to look through 300 ads for viagra just in case!


Entry filed under: On dating and relationships or lack there of.

You know you’ve worked for the government too long when… Today I…

20 Comments Add your own

  • 1. revolution island  |  April 30, 2007 at 4:39 pm

    At the risk of sounding crude, maybe you need to access those ‘leftovers’ by entering into an understanding with his ex, i.e. your friend, whereby she agrees not to mind, or at least she tries not to. I’m sure in a lot of cases the target bachelor might not worry too much that you are a friend of his ex.

  • 2. Island Spice  |  April 30, 2007 at 11:10 pm

    ah bwoy.. look what wi come to eee?
    Recycling men .. times hard and tings rough indeed.

    I still think nuff good man deh ’bout.. I keeping the faith..
    … and still avoiding my friends ex’s .. hopefully!

  • 3. Dr. D.  |  May 1, 2007 at 8:06 am

    From a male point of view… bredrin’s exs and present wives/gfs (of course) are off limits. People who do not fit the category of bredrin….acquaintances…different ting dat…….

  • 4. Adrian  |  May 1, 2007 at 9:51 am

    Everybody is fair game.. I wouldn’t throw away a good thing just because a friend threw it away.

  • 5. Jamaiapnanese  |  May 1, 2007 at 11:05 pm

    well from another males point of view I say put a time limit on on the “limit”.

    I see no problems getting with a friend’s X from donkey years ago, if they are truly your friends and have any sense they would know that relationships are tricky and to word what you said another way – someone who was a frog to your friend might be your prince charming ( only a few years later of course ^^)

  • 6. Prim  |  May 2, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    It depends. I think if there is compatibility to said ex then by all means. Also I guess it comes into play how close one is to this friend.

    Don’t know if I would go there – but hey!

  • 7. Yamfoot  |  May 2, 2007 at 9:01 pm

    now here was i thinking when I saw the title, that you were talking ‘green’!

    I wouldnt feel comfortable dating anybody who dated anybody who I remotely know. But then I don’t date anyway. Just have sex. (there’s a word that should trigger spam!)

  • 8. Cranky Putz  |  May 3, 2007 at 7:47 am

    I agree the pool is small. Also someone’s trash is anothers treasure…how lame was that. Anyhoo point is a) the friend should be otherwise occupied, married/dating seriously, and b) the relationship should be a long time past c) she/he should be ok with you dating their x, or be a friend your willing to part ways with anyway…..

    I have yet to get spam comments…..lucky me…..(knocking wood and all that)

  • 9. Kingston Girl  |  May 3, 2007 at 8:33 am

    maybe it’s a gender thing… after all, my man is friends with my ex…

    yet i’d feel a lot more uncomfortable if it was the other way around…

  • 10. scratchie  |  May 3, 2007 at 11:28 am

    Speaking personally….before I got married I couldn’t date any of my friend’s exs. Too close for comfort and too much history involved. Hope all is well.

  • 11. Leon  |  May 3, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    If she’s no longer with him, he’s fair game. Going after wealthy men? Sounds a little golddiggish to me.

  • 12. Gela Words  |  May 4, 2007 at 5:34 am

    It’ feels almost incestuos. Like those hollywood chicks, where everyone dates every one. If it’s a close friend I wouldn’t feel very comfortable with that.

    The good thing about that though, you could compare notes 🙂

  • 13. madbull  |  May 4, 2007 at 6:50 am

    Here is my take on this issue: If they broke up last week, then its probably not a good idea, but after say 2 years, I don’t care if the bredrin vex. If I check for the girl and him vex, him will just have to tek weh himself!
    I definitely not troubling a bredrin’s woman but the ex of a bredrin is his EX, and he needs to realise that and get on with his life and allow me to get on with mine.
    I think this whole idea is more of a woman thing anyway. I remember this girl I sort’ve had something with once… We were still friends afterwards. Anyway I was telling her that her friend was hot and she told me that she would never talk to me again if I got with said friend. I asked her why and she couldn’t really give me a good reason, so I just rest the argument, but in my mind I was thinking, “Well, you better pray that your friend doesn’t make herself available to me then, because I can easily survive without talking to you!”. The thing is, I bet that after a bit, she would start talking to me again… There really is no reason to be that way, IMHO.
    After all, the friend doesn’t own me and they don’t own their ex. If tings going on for us, the friend shouldn’t hate! They need to appreciate. Feel good for us, if we are bredrin. If you can’t handle it, we might just have to part ways.

  • 14. madbull  |  May 4, 2007 at 6:56 am

    @ Leon: Yeah, its a bit gold diggish, but life tuff out there. Take my foolish advice, make certain that the girl you going marry can contribute sup’m to the pot too. She must be a woman of means! I am not sayingthat you are going to be living off her, but every mickle makes a muckle, you simi. And in the same way you shouldn’t look no bruck pocket woman, women shouldn’t take on no bruck pocket man. Oonoo can’t survive pon love alone, you know bredrin. After all, you realise say gas gone up again today?! You have to be conscious inna dis yah time.

  • 15. Kingston Girl  |  May 4, 2007 at 8:34 am

    Leon: I hadn’t thought of it looking gold diggerishy thoughts were that these were men with plans and ambition who were hard working, and hence a good catch. ie they were not the men sitting around with dreams and no action or not even dreams that I seem to meet so often!

  • 16. islandspice  |  May 4, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    *mouth still hanging open at Yamfoot’s comment*

  • 17. fiyah  |  May 5, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    I remember dating a girl who had broken up with a really good friend of mine right before she started dating me. At the time I thought nothing of it at all… of course when I would tell the story later on in life I got the “oohs” and aaah” from mainly female friends who thought I had done the detestable. My friend has never said a thing about it and doesn’t seem to care on way or the other.

    I am wid dih Mad Bull on this one… an ex is an ex. Unless its mah brothers ex… that different still…

  • 18. Wisugar  |  May 15, 2007 at 6:45 am

    Duuh dweeeeeeeeeeeeeet, your friends will pretend its ok, but secretly resent you.

    Whole heap of nice single (unmarried)men in this country. I know about half the men in the Observer article and funny, I never thought of them a ‘catches’ Oh well, to late now since their gone nationwide

  • 19. Cool Destiny  |  May 28, 2007 at 9:22 am

    Mi nuh waan no leftovers. Any man my friend has been with is totally off limits for me. I know she wouldn’t be ok with it, and I know I wouldn’t be ok with it if one of my friends got involved with my ex-man. It’s a definite no no.

  • 20. Irie Diva  |  September 19, 2007 at 8:26 pm

    cool destiny is so female! gimme ur leftovers anyday, i love me some meatloaf! ma and u arent the same person so maybe wat annoyed you to break up with him is what i like 😉 of course a little space has to be involved, when i’m 100% sure my friend has totally healed. doesnt matter how close cus i was engaged once and if one of my friends wanted to date him wudnt stir me a bit. like i can think of a handful of exes right now that i wud careless if my friends dated, they’re so last whenever! maybe its cus im so happy with current…

    im with madbull on this one…


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About me

I'm a twenty-something year old girl living in Kingston, Jamaica. These are some stories from my life.
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