More on the issue…

September 13, 2006 at 3:19 pm 24 comments

Thank you for your comment anonymous aka Marissa. To explain, ‘Anonymous’ annoys me because I never have a positive comment from anonymous, always negative. And it’s not the ‘real name’ that I need, it’s just some identifying feature that makes you seem more real.

To clarify… I am not insecure. In fact, I see it that I am secure in that I am able to contemplate this relationship, weigh up the pros and cons, ask others opinions, and deal with the negatives that come from people who know me as well. However, (and I don’t want this to come across like I am a slut!) I have dated a fair number of men over the years, the vast majority of whom were in the more acceptable age-range for me. And I know that there are many other men out there who are my age who I could date. I am not settling with an older man due to lack of options. And these men come from a wide variety of circles – I’ve dated men from church, men I’ve met in clubs, men I’ve met through work, men I’ve known from school, men I’ve met while travelling, men who are friends of friends, (never dated a man I’ve met at the gym… maybe I should work on that…), men I’ve met in the National Art Gallery and men I’ve met dancing salsa.

Maybe it is that I am boring for my age. Maybe I am too old for my age. Maybe I should start looking in other places! However, I find that the guys I know near my own age do nothing for me at the end of the day. Guys my age who I am good friends with admit that they don’t like dating girls my age as ‘we have issues’, we ‘want too much from them’ and we ‘are too independent’. I even had a good friend (a guy with a good job, just finishing his MBA, cute etc) tell me that he couldn’t deal with a girl like me as we would expect to have intelligent conversation in an evening after work when all he would want is sex! And I want a man who is secure in himself, knows what he wants and can deal with me being who I am.

I know that this sounds like I am generalising – I know that there are some really great guys out there who are my age. However, I think most of them are taken by the smart girls who saw them early. Or they live abroad, and I can’t deal with long distance. Or maybe they are gay… but that’s a whole other post!

So at the end of all of this… I am still continuing. I am getting to know this great guy more. And I am thinking about the issues. And talking about them with him. He wants to know that I am fully aware of what I’d be getting myself into. And I want to know that he is fully aware of what he is getting himself into.

So I’ll continue to discuss it here, because it is something that is in my mind a lot. And after all, it is my blog!
And all comments are welcome – positive or negative! However, please just make up a name or something? It makes everyone seem more real, more human and more friendly!

PS – I notice that the usual male suspects who comment here and who are in the age-range of the ‘older man’ are missing at the moment!


Entry filed under: On dating and relationships or lack there of, On replying to you lot out there.

Replying Fareign

24 Comments Add your own

  • 1. CD  |  September 13, 2006 at 4:20 pm

    I can’t believe you felt the need to respond to Ms. Anonymous. I wouldn’t have wasted my finger tips typing a response to her.

  • 2. Leon  |  September 13, 2006 at 4:39 pm

    Maybe you need to look in more places. Or maybe you need to do like most girls and put your body on display. But that would attract guys only interested in sex.

  • 3. Mad Bull  |  September 13, 2006 at 6:20 pm

    How you mean, I am missing? Remember I said at the time you posed the question that “As long as he treats you nice and you check for him, then go for it!”…
    Thats what I meant.

    Re the Anonymous person, I don’t think you should take too much offense. (sp?)
    They seem to just be offering some potential negatives that might occur.

    The thing is, you know best what will suit you. It really don’t matter what other people think?

  • 4. Mad Bull  |  September 13, 2006 at 6:24 pm

    By the way, that Irie Latino yute was funny! And what is ED? and if a woman who is with an older man feels he is slowing down too much, well, give him some Red Bull and crush up some Hydroxycut Hardcore and Viagra in it! That ought to “pick him up!”. 😉

  • 5. Yamfoot  |  September 13, 2006 at 7:43 pm

    I reached the end of this post and ah think things work in reverse, because at age 40 (almost!) I don’t want no man older than me.

    In fact, give me one that is about 5 – 8 years YOUNGER than me and I would be estatic! Maybe I am too young for my age! I feel like about 21. The only thing that has changed about me as I have grown older is that I am more opinionated, and I know now who I am and what I want out of life, men etc.

    So the age thing and me don’t matter at all. When I was about 6 years younger, I went on a date with an old man who must have been in his 60’s. Well it wasnt really a date but we had lunch and another time we went to a cocktail party. But it wasn’t anything romantic, but I enjoyed his company. So that’s weird. But anyway, I like them young and frisky! (oh, I hope my parents aren’t reading this!)

  • 6. Irie Latino  |  September 13, 2006 at 10:12 pm

    Kingston girl, I must say that as the gentleman of leisure with too much time on my hands that you think I am, I am delighted to have found your blog. From your intriguing man/age dilemma to the sparring between Marissa Bustamante and yourself, guyana-gyal and company, thrusting and counter-thrusting I feel as if I’ve landed in a SOAP opera. And you know how idle people love soaps. I’m loving all the characters from you kingston girl to the peppery miss bustamante and the easily aggravated guyana-gyal. Let’s not forget scantily-clad yamfoot with the missing face and of course, Leon. Watch out for that dude. He thinks you’re trophy girl material and that maybe you could display your body…but he warns that would only attract men interested in sex…like who Leon, you little “tek time barney”.
    Next time I visit this blog I’m bringing popcorn! You’re all growing on me very fast:)

  • 7. Gela's Words  |  September 14, 2006 at 8:13 am

    I started to comment but it was so long, had to go do a post on the matter. Anyway, I now have no problem dating someone 5/6 years younger. Once I had a problem with it, but while in UK was dating this guy who was 5 yrs younger and now has no problem with it. As a matter of fact, I sometimes think that’s what I’d like. So YF, totally relate. As one of my friends says, their ‘parts’ are firmer and goes all the way up 😉

    I really need to to check out Irie Latino’s blog.

  • 8. Scratchie  |  September 14, 2006 at 12:02 pm

    Yup…guilty as charged. I have deliberately refrained from posting. Reality is that I think you should date who you feel comfortable with. If the guy makes you happy then go for it.
    I can’t say I have any experience to offer. My wife and I are only 6 months apart and we’ve been married for 19 years.
    Personally though I thing the relationship’s success is dependent on the other aspects that come from you both…trust, respect, caring, communication, commitment and if you are so inclined prayer.

  • 9. cooldestiny aka cd  |  September 14, 2006 at 3:03 pm

    ED = Erectile Dysfunction

  • 10. Cream  |  September 14, 2006 at 4:03 pm

    My 65 year-old brother’s “girl” is 22 years younger, my cousin’s is 24 years younger, mine is 13 years younger! What’s the problem?

    Are we flogging a dead horse and should really worry about Mr. ED striking back?
    Or shall we just enjoy the present?

  • 11. Jill  |  September 14, 2006 at 11:20 pm

    It can be really hard for smart, accomplished girls to find men who are secure enough for them. Maybe older men work for you because some of them are mature enough to want something more from a girl than sex and they are confident enough to pursue strong women.

  • 12. Gela's Words  |  September 15, 2006 at 11:21 pm

    KG: This has nothing to do with the topic but just had to let you know.

    To amuse myself, from last night I have been reading your old post from 2005 – I think that’s when you moved back to Jamaica. They are dam hilarious! My neighbors are going to think I’m crazy! I find it so funny reading your comparison to how things are here and how they are abroad! I know I’ve read these old posts before but damn they’re worth reading again!

  • 13. Ri  |  September 17, 2006 at 8:13 pm

    A small firestorm, is it? A bit like Mad Bull’s Mountain View post a few months ago. That was hot.

  • 14. Guyana-Gyal  |  September 18, 2006 at 3:22 pm

    I left this comment for Marissa in the last post:

    I come from a culture where age is not considered in making a marriage…other factors are…religion, same values, etc etc. Older men marry much younger women. I’ve known of older women to marry much younger men.

    Marriages / relationships tend to fail due to poor communication and money problems. Not age differences.

    Another thought: it doesn’t matter what age differences exist or don’t exist, once we get into a romantic relationship, there are always questions we need to ask ourselves.

  • 15. Ri  |  September 18, 2006 at 4:22 pm

    Ole man Bull! Don’t worry, maybe he fell asleep in his wheelchair.

  • 16. Kingston Girl  |  September 18, 2006 at 4:57 pm

    Wow, this one seems to have got people heated up. I have to admit that I never thought I’d live to see the day that my life (or at least the internet version of it…) was described as a soap opera. I think that in order to fulfil this new description, I need to have photos submitted from all the readers to compile individual biographies of them…. so send me the most soap opera looking photo of yourself (or heck, just pick one to represent you…) and then I’ll let you see the results!!!

  • 17. Gela's Words  |  September 19, 2006 at 12:50 am

    Hmmm, need to go look for that MadBull Mountain View post.

    People tend to like discussing man/woman relationships

  • 18. Irie Latino  |  September 20, 2006 at 2:30 pm

    So Kingston Girl, let me get this straight. You are going to make up these biographies based on what you get from the pics? That could be fun lol.

    I have one for your pic…Kingston girl wandered the bush for hours and finally sat down to rest in a rocky river bed. “Damn” she thought, “not one good man for miles around. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong place as usual. I’ll try Christopher’s again tonight.”….I just teasin’ yu kingston girl…just teasin’:)

  • 19. Island Spice  |  September 21, 2006 at 5:03 pm

    Hey Kingston Girl. Thanks for the link back.. glad I could make u laugh. As you can see from my blog.. I am dealing with some of these very same issues, so you got a friend in me girl!! In fact I think I feel a post coming on .. who to raxx tonight boy!!?!
    ..I ain even touching tha farin barrel ting !!

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  • 24. Irie Diva  |  September 19, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    woi spam picked up the action in here man

    anyway irie latino has found a fan here, i hope his blog is still up and running i’ll have something to read when im done here 🙂


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About me

I'm a twenty-something year old girl living in Kingston, Jamaica. These are some stories from my life.
September 2006
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