More on the issue…

Thank you for your comment anonymous aka Marissa. To explain, ‘Anonymous’ annoys me because I never have a positive comment from anonymous, always negative. And it’s not the ‘real name’ that I need, it’s just some identifying feature that makes you seem more real.

To clarify… I am not insecure. In fact, I see it that I am secure in that I am able to contemplate this relationship, weigh up the pros and cons, ask others opinions, and deal with the negatives that come from people who know me as well. However, (and I don’t want this to come across like I am a slut!) I have dated a fair number of men over the years, the vast majority of whom were in the more acceptable age-range for me. And I know that there are many other men out there who are my age who I could date. I am not settling with an older man due to lack of options. And these men come from a wide variety of circles – I’ve dated men from church, men I’ve met in clubs, men I’ve met through work, men I’ve known from school, men I’ve met while travelling, men who are friends of friends, (never dated a man I’ve met at the gym… maybe I should work on that…), men I’ve met in the National Art Gallery and men I’ve met dancing salsa.

Maybe it is that I am boring for my age. Maybe I am too old for my age. Maybe I should start looking in other places! However, I find that the guys I know near my own age do nothing for me at the end of the day. Guys my age who I am good friends with admit that they don’t like dating girls my age as ‘we have issues’, we ‘want too much from them’ and we ‘are too independent’. I even had a good friend (a guy with a good job, just finishing his MBA, cute etc) tell me that he couldn’t deal with a girl like me as we would expect to have intelligent conversation in an evening after work when all he would want is sex! And I want a man who is secure in himself, knows what he wants and can deal with me being who I am.

I know that this sounds like I am generalising – I know that there are some really great guys out there who are my age. However, I think most of them are taken by the smart girls who saw them early. Or they live abroad, and I can’t deal with long distance. Or maybe they are gay… but that’s a whole other post!

So at the end of all of this… I am still continuing. I am getting to know this great guy more. And I am thinking about the issues. And talking about them with him. He wants to know that I am fully aware of what I’d be getting myself into. And I want to know that he is fully aware of what he is getting himself into.

So I’ll continue to discuss it here, because it is something that is in my mind a lot. And after all, it is my blog!
And all comments are welcome – positive or negative! However, please just make up a name or something? It makes everyone seem more real, more human and more friendly!

PS – I notice that the usual male suspects who comment here and who are in the age-range of the ‘older man’ are missing at the moment!

Replying

I like comments. Getting an email to tell me that someone has commented while I am engaged in some mind numbing task on the computer can be enough to make me smile. I like feeling that there are some (yes, some. not huge numbers but enough) people out there who enjoy reading my rubbish. I like reading other people’s blogs and commenting there and getting comments in return, it makes me feel part of something.

But there is something I don’t like.

Why is it that whenever someone has something negative to say, they are ‘annoymous’? Can’t they even bother to make up a name? I don’t mind negative comments – if I did, then I’d stop writing or close comments. But I do find it sad that someone who wants to criticise me does it annoymously.

And in answer to my recent Mr or Ms Annoymous – my parents knew who I was with in Treasure Beach. And yes, I am fully aware that there are issues to be thought about – otherwise I’d have been calling him MY man for ages now! So a challenge to you…

Please let me know if you can introduce me to any men who are of a more suitable age who..

… make me laugh when i’m in a mood
… call me to check up on how things are going if he knows i’m having a rough day
… would be willing to leave their friend’s party early because I want to
… would be happier sitting around talking in Christophers than being upstairs dancing in quad
… wouldn’t be freaked out by the fact that I want to get married and have kids soon
… is supportive of that fact that I have a job which I am good at, which takes a lot of my time and which I intend to progress at
… don’t think it is clever to spend more on their car payments than on their house
… keep pink wine in their fridge for whenever i come round
… would rather attend jazz and blues festival than ATI weekend

I know lots of my friends who are looking for someone like that and have been looking for a very long time. Yes it’s a decison for me to make – would it be better for me to take the risk with someone who is older and deal with those related issues as I go along, or wait around for someone who is nearly as good as him but younger that might never show up?

And also – thanks for the assumption that I am a trophy girlfriend – I’d always thought that I wasn’t quite pretty enough for that category and also was too outspoken for that!!!

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